I remember when I was younger, I thought I’d figure out what I was meant to do with my life. Then, I’d know how to be completely happy and successful. I put my expectations for happiness on hold, because I thought I had to pay my dues in order to obtain that future, happy life.

But as the years passed, I found my plans falling apart one by one and being replaced with something else. Then I’d furiously start planning anew, only to watch those plans disintegrate as well.

I eventually discovered life is a continuous learning process. It isn’t something I’ll ever figure out.

Exploring the layers of life

I’m sure you have learned by now that living is kind of like peeling an onion. As you remove one layer, it just reveals another.

Let’s say you discover you absolutely love computer programming. So you end up running a company that develops software. You become successful and wealthy doing something you enjoy.

But you find something is missing.

So you start a romantic relationship. You meet that someone special and tie the knot.

But it still feels like something’s missing.

So you have a kid or two.

But something is missing.

So you start searching for a way to give back and end up on the board of a charity.

But something is still missing.

So you begin a spiritual exploration.

But…

The “buts” never stop coming.

The only problem with this process is that we can become disillusioned if we believe we have a single purpose. We keep expecting to reach the perfect, ideal destination one day but somehow we’re never finished. After all, we’re raised on bedtime stories that promise someday we’ll reach our “happily ever after.” Worse still, it seems so many other people have hit the happiness jackpot while we silently struggle. So it can be really disappointing to learn that there is no perfect destination after having sacrificed for years to reach that mythical happy place.

Mid-life crisis, anyone?

A single purpose is missing by design

We are designed to evolve. We need to grow, to become more, to learn.

We never really “arrive” at a perfect, self-actualized destination because we keep moving the goal posts.

With each new endeavor, we add to our collage of life experiences. But that collage will never be finished, because it isn’t supposed to be.

Won’t it be better if your kids understand this before they reach middle age?

Good news about the process

The good news is that this means everything your kids do fulfills their purpose. Even if it’s a mistake, they’ll learn. Even if it isn’t pleasant, they grow from the experience.

That means every single thing they do is valuable. And they can’t really miss the point, because the point is to evolve—not to arrive at a specific destination.

Since they don’t really have a single purpose that will govern their whole life, you can stop worrying about whether they’ll choose the right path. Because there simply isn’t one. Whichever path they choose for now will get them someplace.

So you can relax and let them try things instead of panicking that they’ll ruin things by making one wrong move.

Help them find something that lights them up for now, and stop worrying about planning their whole life in advance. They can figure out what makes sense for now, and let the future unfold naturally.

Stop thinking it’s a test with one right answer, because the answers will change over time. Just like your child will.